The Hap-Hap-Happiest NFL Blog since Bing Crosby Tap-Danced with Danny F&*%ing Kayne!
It's Christmas Eve. It's Week 16 in the NFL. Lets rustle some holiday feathers! Kicking off with my top five Christmas movies. (Commentary to come post list)
5. The Ref- 1994 classic with Dennis Leary & Kevin Spacey. Leary is is his awesome, sweary, miserable self with all the waspy holiday family tension you can handle.
4. Die Hard- Well... duh you know this was going to be on here. It's a Christmas movie. Get over it.
3. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town- Fred Astaire leads the way with this holiday classic. Definitely the best holiday animated movie. Who doesn't love Burgermiester Miesterburger and Topper the Penguin? If the answer is you, please de-friend me.
2. Jingle All the Way- The best way to watch this is on VHS. However, if you don't live in 1996 then just find a way to stream it. Who is in it?! Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Robert Conrad (I loved Black Sheep Squadron,) Martin Mull. BOOM. Out-f*&^ing-standing.
1. Christmas Vacation- There isn't a debate here. And I will bare knuckle box anyone that says different. The most quoted, watched and re-watched movie for me and adults 18-99+ during the holidays. Except if you watch it on FreeForm... which always does its best to commit countless UN violations on some of the best movies. Some movies just weren't meant for 'sheltered weird white people' consumption. Play ball!
Shocked that Elf wasn't on there? "I'M WILL FERRELL! I'M AN UNLIKELY ELF! GET IT!? OVER ACTING!" Pass. Blown away, A Christmas Story wasn't there... 5-10yrs ago it would be. It was kind of like the first 'trendy holiday movie.' Now everyone has that Leg Lamp and FOX drove that last nail in the Christmas Story coffin last week with that live dumpster fire. And goodness me... Home Alone isn't there. *Buckle Up* As a kid did I like it? Yeah. BUT! Every millennial still talks about that movie and old Nickelodeon cartoons like the are the end all. "YEAH I REMEMBER ROCCO'S MODERN LIFE! STOP ASKING!" Re-watching the old cartoons, Raiders of the Hidden Temple, Home Alone... all one in the same. Fun when I was 11, not now. If I was to go out and poll 500 adults 18-34 about holiday movies they have watched THIS December 2017, I would bet that Home Alone is maybe 6th or lower.
Bills (8-6) at Patriots [-11.5] (11-3) 1pm CBS- I didn't know I had a secret Bills society reading my work... found that out last week after I picked the Bills to lose to the Fins. I'm likely going to get flack again this week. The Bills, hands down, have the BEST running back in football with LeSean McCoy. In fact, I would say he is the best back I've seen in the last 5 seasons. BUT, he is their offense. Without him nothing would open up for Tyrod Taylor down field. The 'action' (Boots/Play Action/Waggles) passes are a third of that Bills passing attack. Meanwhile, they are playing the Pats. I've learned that in a pinch don't bet against New England and don't bet against Bama. Both the Bills and Pats have something to gain and lose today. The Ravens win last night was a blow to Buffalo's playoff hopes. They now need to win today, win next week IN Miami and need some help from the Ravens and Titans (losing.) The Pats come into this game winning 4 of their last 5 (though MANY would say Pittsburgh was shafted last week.) To clinch home field advantage they need to win out AND need some help from the Steelers and Jaguars. The first half will be close and halftime will be around 13-7. Then comes the second half...
Bills-16 Patriots-27
Buccaneers (4-10) at Panthers [-10] (10-4) 1pm FOX - The Buccaneers come in off the charts banged up today. They placed TE OJ Howard and OL JR Sweezy on IR this week. DeSeason Jackson is out. Robert Ayers... is out. Gerald McCoy and Lavonte David are questionable (at best.) ARGH. The Panthers are also having issues of their own. It's going to be a thin linebacker core today with Shaq Thompson out and Thomas Davis serving his one game suspension. But, on offense the Panthers have the 4th best rushing attack with Jonathon Stewart and Christian McCaffery. FOR THE RECORD! If I hear one more Panthers fan paint McCaffery as a BUST I am going to lose my s*&%. What else do you want in a rookie running back? He is breaking all sorts of receiving records and is improving on his blitz pick up. He isn't the kind of back you line up in the Power-I and run 30 times a game. He is versatile and couldn't have landed in a better offense. Meanwhile, Stewart is having a ageless rebound year. I'll admit it. I wrote him off due to his age. Today will be interesting. The words 'trap game' keep being dropped. But, in order for that to happen the Buccaneers will have to get inside Cam Newton's head, which will be hard with the world's most anemic pass rush. FOR the Bucs to win they will have to keep it close. They can do that by using TE Cameron Brate and slot receiver Adam Humphries across the middle against that thin linebacker core. Cam will benefit from the zilch edge rush. But.. it's Christmas...
Buccaneers- 20 Panthers-17
Rams [-6.5] (10-4) at Titans (8-6) 1pm CBS- This is going to be brief because my hangover is kicking in, my coffee is running out and Titans head coach said one of my most hated phrases. When asked about this match up said: "We need to put together 60 minutes of football, one game at a time." WOW! What a sound bite! I'm not going to say every press conference has to be Shakespearean poetry but, Jesus. I blame generic coach talk on the FCC and the NFL. I want just unfiltered and non rehearsed interviews. I want to see:
Erin Andrews: "Coach, you guys had 2 critical interceptions in the red zone. What are you going to say to Drew Brees in the locker room?"
Sean Payton: "What the f*&% do you think? I'm going to tell him to read his f*&^ing keys, stop hesitating on his throws and don't throw into GD triple coverage."
Erin Andrews: "Well, you f*^&ing heard it here first. Back to you Joe Buck. No one likes you or your face."
In 2017, Marcus Mariota was exposed, 12TD, 14INT. Now, looking back at the draft... Jamesis Winston was the right choice (despite me doing multiple post draft Wild Turkey 101 shots.) Look for Jared Goff and Copper Kupp to have a big day as the Titans have the 3rd best rush defense. A Titans loss helps the Bills, Steelers, Jaguars... hell even the Chargers and Dolphins.
Rams- 28 Titans- 20
Hallelujah! Holy S&%$! Where's the Tylenol?
5. The Ref- 1994 classic with Dennis Leary & Kevin Spacey. Leary is is his awesome, sweary, miserable self with all the waspy holiday family tension you can handle.
4. Die Hard- Well... duh you know this was going to be on here. It's a Christmas movie. Get over it.
3. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town- Fred Astaire leads the way with this holiday classic. Definitely the best holiday animated movie. Who doesn't love Burgermiester Miesterburger and Topper the Penguin? If the answer is you, please de-friend me.
2. Jingle All the Way- The best way to watch this is on VHS. However, if you don't live in 1996 then just find a way to stream it. Who is in it?! Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Robert Conrad (I loved Black Sheep Squadron,) Martin Mull. BOOM. Out-f*&^ing-standing.
1. Christmas Vacation- There isn't a debate here. And I will bare knuckle box anyone that says different. The most quoted, watched and re-watched movie for me and adults 18-99+ during the holidays. Except if you watch it on FreeForm... which always does its best to commit countless UN violations on some of the best movies. Some movies just weren't meant for 'sheltered weird white people' consumption. Play ball!
Shocked that Elf wasn't on there? "I'M WILL FERRELL! I'M AN UNLIKELY ELF! GET IT!? OVER ACTING!" Pass. Blown away, A Christmas Story wasn't there... 5-10yrs ago it would be. It was kind of like the first 'trendy holiday movie.' Now everyone has that Leg Lamp and FOX drove that last nail in the Christmas Story coffin last week with that live dumpster fire. And goodness me... Home Alone isn't there. *Buckle Up* As a kid did I like it? Yeah. BUT! Every millennial still talks about that movie and old Nickelodeon cartoons like the are the end all. "YEAH I REMEMBER ROCCO'S MODERN LIFE! STOP ASKING!" Re-watching the old cartoons, Raiders of the Hidden Temple, Home Alone... all one in the same. Fun when I was 11, not now. If I was to go out and poll 500 adults 18-34 about holiday movies they have watched THIS December 2017, I would bet that Home Alone is maybe 6th or lower.
Bills (8-6) at Patriots [-11.5] (11-3) 1pm CBS- I didn't know I had a secret Bills society reading my work... found that out last week after I picked the Bills to lose to the Fins. I'm likely going to get flack again this week. The Bills, hands down, have the BEST running back in football with LeSean McCoy. In fact, I would say he is the best back I've seen in the last 5 seasons. BUT, he is their offense. Without him nothing would open up for Tyrod Taylor down field. The 'action' (Boots/Play Action/Waggles) passes are a third of that Bills passing attack. Meanwhile, they are playing the Pats. I've learned that in a pinch don't bet against New England and don't bet against Bama. Both the Bills and Pats have something to gain and lose today. The Ravens win last night was a blow to Buffalo's playoff hopes. They now need to win today, win next week IN Miami and need some help from the Ravens and Titans (losing.) The Pats come into this game winning 4 of their last 5 (though MANY would say Pittsburgh was shafted last week.) To clinch home field advantage they need to win out AND need some help from the Steelers and Jaguars. The first half will be close and halftime will be around 13-7. Then comes the second half...
Bills-16 Patriots-27
Buccaneers (4-10) at Panthers [-10] (10-4) 1pm FOX - The Buccaneers come in off the charts banged up today. They placed TE OJ Howard and OL JR Sweezy on IR this week. DeSeason Jackson is out. Robert Ayers... is out. Gerald McCoy and Lavonte David are questionable (at best.) ARGH. The Panthers are also having issues of their own. It's going to be a thin linebacker core today with Shaq Thompson out and Thomas Davis serving his one game suspension. But, on offense the Panthers have the 4th best rushing attack with Jonathon Stewart and Christian McCaffery. FOR THE RECORD! If I hear one more Panthers fan paint McCaffery as a BUST I am going to lose my s*&%. What else do you want in a rookie running back? He is breaking all sorts of receiving records and is improving on his blitz pick up. He isn't the kind of back you line up in the Power-I and run 30 times a game. He is versatile and couldn't have landed in a better offense. Meanwhile, Stewart is having a ageless rebound year. I'll admit it. I wrote him off due to his age. Today will be interesting. The words 'trap game' keep being dropped. But, in order for that to happen the Buccaneers will have to get inside Cam Newton's head, which will be hard with the world's most anemic pass rush. FOR the Bucs to win they will have to keep it close. They can do that by using TE Cameron Brate and slot receiver Adam Humphries across the middle against that thin linebacker core. Cam will benefit from the zilch edge rush. But.. it's Christmas...
Buccaneers- 20 Panthers-17
Rams [-6.5] (10-4) at Titans (8-6) 1pm CBS- This is going to be brief because my hangover is kicking in, my coffee is running out and Titans head coach said one of my most hated phrases. When asked about this match up said: "We need to put together 60 minutes of football, one game at a time." WOW! What a sound bite! I'm not going to say every press conference has to be Shakespearean poetry but, Jesus. I blame generic coach talk on the FCC and the NFL. I want just unfiltered and non rehearsed interviews. I want to see:
Erin Andrews: "Coach, you guys had 2 critical interceptions in the red zone. What are you going to say to Drew Brees in the locker room?"
Sean Payton: "What the f*&% do you think? I'm going to tell him to read his f*&^ing keys, stop hesitating on his throws and don't throw into GD triple coverage."
Erin Andrews: "Well, you f*^&ing heard it here first. Back to you Joe Buck. No one likes you or your face."
In 2017, Marcus Mariota was exposed, 12TD, 14INT. Now, looking back at the draft... Jamesis Winston was the right choice (despite me doing multiple post draft Wild Turkey 101 shots.) Look for Jared Goff and Copper Kupp to have a big day as the Titans have the 3rd best rush defense. A Titans loss helps the Bills, Steelers, Jaguars... hell even the Chargers and Dolphins.
Rams- 28 Titans- 20
Hallelujah! Holy S&%$! Where's the Tylenol?
Comments
Post a Comment