Thanksgiving NFL Picks Week 12 Extravaganza on Ice

Sadly, there won't be any 'on ice' portion of this because I don't want to break my face and/or ass. However, there will be some solid football chit and also football chat this Thanksgiving. Let us start by looking back at some fun things that have happened in recent years... 

Of course I would be insane if I didn't mention the Mark Sanchez Butt Fumble. Sort of a one play synopsis of the New York Jets. And even after he was run out of town you best believe the Bills were more than happy to let Rex (insert foot fetish joke here, it's early and my coffee hasn't kicked in yet.) I also remember in 2006 when the Buccaneers were playing the Cowboys. Not a memorable game for most, as the Cowboys swept the poop deck with the Bucs. BUT, this was the first game I remember being yelled at for "watching the game too aggressively" by multiple family members. 

Interesting side note! In Thanksgiving games the NFC South seems to be the most snubbed out of all the divisions. The Bucs, Saints, Panthers and Falcons have played a total of once a piece. What a load of Thanksgiving post meal s*&^. Same goes for the Texans and Bengals at one game a piece as well. But, no one has seen it worse than the Jaguars. They are undefeated on Thanksgiving... because they have never played on it. Yes, they are all 'newer' teams. However, lets shake it up and subtract the Texas State Penitentiary and their warden Jerry Jones from today, preeminently. One, they haven't done any post season damage in years on years. Two, they are hated, not like the "Oh I hate the Pats" in a fun way, just straight hated. Three, Jerry Jones is losing his marbles faster than Toodles from Hook (+900 cool points if you get that.) Four, that team continues to have players that bring down the sport and the league down. Five, have you ever met a Cowboys fan that also wasn't a fan of all the other 'popular' teams?! They always are. *flips table* Aaaaall that being said, let us take a look at your 2017 Thanksgiving games! 

1. Vikings [-2.5] (8-2) at Lions (6-4) 12:30pm FOX- Right off the bat the 2 1/2 point spread has me scratching my head. The Lions are on a two game skid while the Vikings have ripped of 6 W's in a row. But, we will press on from those Vegas odds. If you haven't watched the Vikings this year, do it. They have a very interesting offensive squad that doesn't pack a lot of household names but, they sure know how to get the job done. QB Case Keenum is technically the team's third stringer. Title aside he has tossed around 2,200yds and 12TDs. A lot of those yards go to the receiver with the second most yards this year... I'll give you a second to guess. It's Adam Thielen! He has snagged the ball for a total of 916yds and 3TD! (He has coughed it up an NFL WR leading 3 times as well... eek!) The Lions are happy to have their starting left tackle back, #68 Taylor Decker. Since his return, Matt Stafford has completed 72.2% of his passes and is averaging an eye opening 10.3 per completion. Neat. But, if we flip back to the last time these two teams played Stafford was a sacked a total of 6 times! Which means, look for Vikings defensive end Everson Griffin in that Lions backfield today (he has 10 sacks and 2 forced fumbles on the year.) It will be a fun one to watch and most likely the 'closest' game of the day. 

Vikings- 27 Lions- 20


2. Chargers [-2] (4-6) at Cowboys (5-5) 4:30pm CBS- If I were a generic ESPN promo I would probably say: 

Two hot NFL teams clash this Thanksgiving in Jerry's dome
*helicopter shot of the stadium* 
Chargers 
*shot of Philip Rivers screaming* 
Cowboys 
*shot of Dak Prescott scrambling* 
Lay it all out on the line! 
*shot of Cowboys' cheerleaders*
This Thanksgiving the turkey isn't the only thing being stuffed! *shot of Joey Bosa tackling a running back* 

And then I would be fired because ESPN can't even afford for me to write a fake TV promo for my blog (solid ESPN burn). But for reals, both teams are on respective winning streaks. The Cowboys are missing Dirt Bag Magoo in the backfield today which makes them a semi one denominational team. Dak will have to throw into the 8th leading pass defense today while avoiding the rush of Joey Bosa. And in a straight throwing match I will take Philip Rivers every time. He has an outstanding 17TD to 7INT ratio and is one of the least sacked QBs in the NFL. Why? Because he makes quick decisions with the ball and has a solid line in front of him. *drum  roll*

Chargers- 23 Cowboys- 17   


3. Giants (2-8) at Redskins [-7] (4-6) 8:30pm ESPN- Yikes. We are limping to the barn on this one. ANOTHER game that going into week one looked like a good match up. Now, it's a last ditch effort for the Skins to get into the playoffs via a wild card spot and a chance for the Giants to ruin their draft standing. First things first, f*&^ing 33yr old tight end Vernon Davis is the leading receiver for the Skins! WHAT?! Second, and this is a more serious stat, Eli Manning... you know what. I don't care. This game is going to be a dumpster fire. And it's a shame because it kicks off around the time I make my 'post dinner' plate. Hate myself. Pound some beer(s). And then fall asleep around 9:17ish. Wake up. Eat again. Pass out. And then wake up in some sort of food hangover the next day.


Giants- 20ish Redskins- maybe low 30's?